Bethani Beryl

When I first fount out my baby was poorly, me and my boyfriend had already had 2 miscarriages and I was really anxious for our 12week scan. We saw this little bean jumping around the screen and we were so excited because our baby had a heartbeat.

The sonographer told us our baby was alive but had structural problems. We were told to wait whilst she measured our baby and then she told us to go see the doctor. There we were told our little bean had anencephaly.

I've never heard of the condition so we both decided we'd talk things through together first. When we'd researched it and looked at picture's we did decide to terminate. But I had the weirdest dream that I was handed a beautiful little girl and I was overcome by love. So I woke my boyfriend up and told him I wanted to keep our baby and he agreed. We were so excited to meet our bean!

We carried on with midwife appointments and were as excited as we would have been if our baby was healthy.

At 22 weeks we had another scan and found out that we were having a little girl. We called her Bethani, because my 4year old boy asked us to. So that was it.

I was so excited but at 38 weeks gone, I had a routine appointment with my midwife and she realized that my blood pressure was really high. I also had protein in my urine and was admitted to triage where I had another scan. I saw Bethani's beautiful face and instantly fell in love.

My blood pressure lowered an the protein had gone, so I was allowed back home. My midwife saw me at 39+6 weeks and my blood pressure had really shot up again and I had 49% protein. I was diagnosed with a mild bout of pre-eclampsia and admitted to hospital on my due date 28/07/12.

I was induced and had my first lot of pitocin and then a 2nd. But nothing happened until the 3rd. My waters broke and the contractions rushed in. Bethani was on her way and I was so excited.

Unfortunately we had no babysitters for my 3 children, so my boyfriend had to stay at home.

I was pushing for 20mins before my beautiful little girl was born. She only lived for 15 precious minutes but that's 15minutes I'll never forget.

I rang her daddy straight away who got his mum to sit in my house and he rushed to hospital.

He spent half an hour with her and instantly fell in love with her. I was put into a quiet room of the hospital where I held her all night long with no hat because she was just perfect.

She was born at 1:15am on July 30st, 2012 and weighed 3lb 4oz. She looked like a peaceful doll.

We had her blessed, had handprints, footprints, a lock of hair and took as many photo's as we could get.

I left her at 7pm on the 31st of July 2012.

Unfortunately, the strain of the grief was hard on me and my partner. He left me a week after I had Bethani. I'm completely devastated but I only have to look at a photo of Bethani and I'm instantly cheered up.

I'd really like to thank this website because without this, I wouldn't have fount the strength to carry on with my pregnancy. So thank you.

My angel gets laid to rest next week and then to play with the angels.

I'll never forget you sweetheart, I love you so much.

Last updated March 29, 2019