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Jerry Elijah Leccero

 

born February-23-1990, died February-26-1990

Jerry and I met in a wedding (Guayaquil-Ecuador) where we both were invited to sing with our bands, as soon as we saw on each others eyes we knew we were in love and as soon as we talked we knew we were soulmates, we had a very short friendship and courtship and we got married almost four months after at Jerry's Baptist Church with the blessing of our family and God.

We wanted a baby soon, cause we both loved children and Jerry being a Medical Doctor, a pediatrician, we couldn't wait to have our own baby. I got pregnant soon enough and everyone was happy : people at church, our families, my mom and little brother, Jerry and me, everyone.

We started arranging the baby's room and I knew the baby was going to be a boy, I could feel it. I had the worst morning sickness that could really go the whole day, was very little what I could really hold in, but I was happy cause soon I would hold my baby in my arms.

I didn't have a father cause my parents got divorced when I was very small and my father left and never cared for me. I was raised by my mom and my Grandma. Jerry also went through a similar life cause his father died when he was only six years old. So for us this baby was like a completion of our needs, we were going to give him everything we would have wanted when we were children, all the love, all the teachings, all our hearts.

When I was six months pregnant they did my first ultrasound or sonogram, the nurse looked at Jerry in a weird way. I saw that but never thought anything really wrong. After she finished, Jerry was kind of serious and I asked how was everything. She said: "the Doctor will talk to you", and just told us to go and wait for the Doctor. As soon as I went inside the office, I told the Doctor I needed to go to the restroom and went in there since I didn't at once think something was wrong. I thought Jerry will let me know. I came back and Jerry had such a sad face his eyes were so sad and the Doctor was so serious. I asked what was happening, and they both said nothing was wrong and I believed it immediately.

We had to go to church to practice with the band after that, since we were always singing and writing music, we were the vocalists and writers of the band at our church and were always invited everywhere to sing and perform. Jerry was quiet all night long.

When we went home, I put the food on the table but Jerry didn't want to eat and went to the bedroom. That was really weird cause he is a good eater and when I went in there, he was crying and couldn't tell me what was wrong until he talked. Then he said "our baby is going to die, he is anencephalic"... Those words just impact my heart as a bullet. Jerry was crying and explained the whole thing to me about how the babyĺs head was not well and all... At that point I just couldn't believe this so I tried to help Jerry and told him not to worry, that everything was going to be fine, that next morning, when we would do the next ultrasound, we would be told that it was just a mistake, that our baby would be fine. When he went to sleep I cried and called my mom to tell her and she told me the same I told Jerry that night.

Early in the morning we went to do the ultrasound, my mom and Jerry were there with me. I was carefully following the Doctor's face this time and I started crying when his and Jerry's face got sad. I saw Jerry's eyes with tears. I just stood up and started running out the door screaming "no, no, no, no this is not true, this is not true, this is not happening to us".

I was crying and screaming all the way home with Jerry and mom by my side, crying with me and trying to help me, but there was nothing that could help me with my feelings ; I felt like I was dying of hurt and felt a sadness that cannot be described in words.

That night, the Doctor told Jerry that it would be better if I had a micro-c-section to end the pregnancy. But we decided not to do that cause we believed that if my baby was going to die, this was going to be God's way and that God could heal him if he wanted, so we went through the whole deal.

Before my due date they did the c-section. I started having some problems at the moment of the operation, couldn't breath, I felt like my blood pressure was going down. Thanks God, Jerry was there and he helped me so much. The baby was born, it was a boy like we expected. I heard him cry away, cause they took him away. Jerry didn't want me to see him nor to take any pictures. I just heard my son cry away, I will never forget his little cry. I was depressed cause this was the moment I realised that it was true : God had not decided to heal my baby, my son was going to die. I was depressed, I was sad, my breathing problems started again and they had to inject me something for that.

People where waiting outside, family, friends. Now everyone was sad, no joy, just sadness.

Next day I went home, I had so much breast milk and couldn't give it to my baby.

We already had a name for him "Jerry Eliah".

My mom was with me and some friends from church, some family, they all got to see the baby at the hospital, I didn't. Jerry went there each of those three days my baby lived. I waited with some hope, thinking maybe God healed him and Jerry will bring my baby home this afternoon, but it didn't happen. At the third day, at 11 am, they called from the hospital to tell us the baby had died. Jerry didn't tell me at the time, just said he had to go. He went with my mom, leaving me with the same hope. My mom's friend stayed with me and told me I had to be strong. I didn't want to accept there was no hope, but waited. When they came back home that afternoon, Jerry told me "our baby is in the presence of God already" and we cried together and prayed.

This happened 13 years ago. I haven't had any children since then ; I developed what is called "Policystic Ovary Syndrome". I don't ovulate that good enough to get pregnant. I have been getting better lately and we are at the point of trying again to have children. I still have the hope I will get pregnant one of this days.

I am 34 years old and my husband is 44 years old, we came to live to the USA 12 Ż years ago. Jerry, my husband, works in a hospital in laboratory since he doesn't have a license to practice his medical profession in the USA. We are always singing at every place and writing music. We are still together and we love each other like the first day. But I won't lie, there is an emptiness inside me, like something is missing. I cry sometimes thinking about my son. That son who, no matter how much time goes on or how many more children I will have, will never be forgotten in my heart. Nobody will take his place.

It helped me to believe that God loves me and like His word says "God will never give us a burden or a trial heavier than what we can take". It helped me to know that my baby is in the best of hands, where he won't get sick or his soul won't get lost. It has helped me to believe my baby was like a missionary who came to this place for a reason and that one day I will understand.

I don't have his picture, but I will always love him. Sometimes I have felt lonely with my pain and sometimes it hurts like it has happen yesterday, but one thing I know for sure :

I will see my baby and I will hold him someday... my baby Jerry Eliah.

With love to you

Briggitte Lecaro
Proud Mom of Baby Eliah

written July 25th 2003

 

Last updated 10 October 2007