Kylie Marie

I'm not really sure where to begin. My name is Heather R. and I was 20 years old when I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. Well everything was going really well in the beginning. All of my check-ups were great.

I ended up really sick one day right after I had turned 4 months and it landed me in the ER. They did an ultrasound to see if the baby was fine and everything, but the doctor said he had seen an abnormality. I had to see a high-risk OBGYN that following week.

The technician said it was definitely what she thought it was from the pictures. The baby had anencephaly. She wouldn't tell me the sex of the baby. She was telling me that I had two options. One was to go ahead and terminate the pregnancy but since I was too far along to have an abortion I would have to go through the labor process anyways. My second option was that I could carry the pregnancy as far as it would go and risk me being hurt in the long run.

I knew in my heart that I couldn't terminate my child because that baby was here for a reason and I needed to find out why. And if God wanted me to end her life, then he would have helped me make that decision.

So, the doctor gave me a week to think about it. She was certain that I needed to end it all but wanted me to make the final decision. So I went back and told her that there was no way and that I wanted to know the sex of my child so I can name her and be able to connect with her.

That's when she showed me that I was having a beautiful little girl.

The next couple of months were hard knowing that I only had a short time with her but I had to make the most of it. I decided on the name Kylie Marie because I wanted her to have something of me so I gave her my middle name.

When I got to about six months, I started to really feel her move. And for just that small moment I would forget about everything that was going on and I was extremely happy. I know that it was just reflexes but that feeling was amazing. I could feel her little foot every so often kicking me. I started to cry the first time I felt that.

Then over the next couple of months I made the decision to prearrange her funeral so I would have everything ready for her when the time came. That was one of the hardest things I think I have ever done. No one should ever have to make arrangements to bury their newborn baby.

I went into labor on Thanksgiving day and I was in labor for one whole day. The doctors decided that there was no reason to stop the labor me being that far along.

She was born on November 23rd 2007 at 11:34 am and only weighed 2 lbs 3 oz and was 18 in long. She was soooo tiny. They gave her to me and she passed away at 12:15 pm.

The doctors and nurses were awesome. They helped us make so many memories. We took lots of pictures with the family and tried to make the best out of the worst situation. We have T-shirts with her little footprints on them. They let us give her a bath and we actually got to have her with us that night. I know that seems weird but it helped me a lot. I needed that little time I had with her.

I know that this is probably one of the hardest things anyone can imagine and I wish that no one every has to go through this but it made me realize that you cant take things for granted and that you needed to appreciate everything you have because you can lose it all in just minutes.

Last updated April 10, 2019